Oh, Not Again!

My desk appeared more organized than ever. I realized that one can buy more stuff to make all the rest of the stuff look organized. Hence, my table is free of clutter and chaos – and so has my mind become. I’m not used to this free open space, though! The spaciousness I feel within me now has at best been occasional, mostly rare. It has always left me blank when it comes and goes. I had always expected that newer and better things would just make their way into this newfound space and transform my life. Well, matter of fact – they do.

This article is a direct result of this material cleanliness. Does this go to show how enmeshed our immediate surroundings are with our inner lives? I always wondered about the real meaning of the popular quote – ‘Cleanliness is next to Godliness’. Apart from the pleasant and easy experience of being in a clean and organized space, what is its more profound meaning? For starters, the virtue of cleanliness does not come to all and it does not come easy. Surely, we all do possess the potential for virtue. The actualization of such qualities in our daily behavior however, almost always demands sincerity. How many times do I have to clean my room? Its a chore! Well, the answer is – how frequently am I tolerating a mess? Is my tendency towards disorderliness stronger than my desire to maintain order? A question like this is apt for self reflection as much as it serves as motivation to be more present.

As I continue writing this piece after a gap of few days, my desk is no longer in a state of order! There are a bunch of random things on this table that belong entirely somewhere else in this room. I don’t wish to rest my gaze on a bottle full of deodorant after I finish a meeting. Or stare at an infinite loop of a tangled mess of wires and which is screaming at me to be straightened out. How about a little sofa piled up with clothes and challenging the very purpose of this four-legged inanimate companion!

That is how quickly I have relegated to my habit of allowing things to be. I am beginning to learn how important it is to not underestimate the strength of our weaknesses. For example, it is possible to misunderstand the trait of acceptance and practice it in a wrong spirit for a long time. Eventually, without observation, one ends up being passive, negligent, irresponsible and / or simply lazy! The blind spots and gray areas in our minds are the parts of us we wish not to see. It is precisely these parts of us that need attention, difficult as it may sound.

I enjoy talking about the subtle things, the quiet things we rarely give words to. While there are innumerable beautiful moments that are better left unspoken, there are just as many tricky moments where we would have wished we were more aware of what we were doing. Do you ever wonder about your motivations? Where do they come from? Does it make you uncomfortable to think you dont have the kind of self-control you always wished for? How has your journey towards greater awareness been? Have you ever committed to live more intentionally?
More to come…

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